Ouch.

Tonight was a real test of my resolve. We had an open house at a friend's home and there was a royal dessert spread. . . peanut butter cookies, chocolate chip cookies, assorted cupcakes---my own crack buffet. And there were other yummy non-sweet but (gasp!) cooked treats as well. It is a little humiliating how hard it was for me to pass them by. I honestly almost cried. I felt like I was in mourning, letting go of some things that I really enjoy. But, I never enjoy how they make me feel. My heart was racing and I felt anxious. I sent the kids with my husband into the den of dessert demons and signaled to him that I just couldn't go in there. It might seem silly to any non-food addict, but it would be like a recovering alcoholic at a free wet bar. Sure, there were mini cupcakes that I could have had in one bite. But something in me knew that one bite of that stuff would have led to a binge. And that would have led to shame.

To sum up: This is really really hard.

But, I believe that one day it will get easier. Each time I say no, my brain will reset. Every time I breathe and walk away, I will grow stronger. I will remember how good this lifestyle makes me feel. Slip-ups will grow farther and farther apart. And someday (?) I will go to one of these buffet events and nothing on that table will look good to me but the watermelon.

It will get easy. . . but not until I push through the hard.